I have been losing my mind for about 2 weeks now. You see, in my last couple of posts I mentioned all these trials that I seem to be going through. I have talked about God carrying the weight and allowing them to be blessings. I believe this to be true. Completely true.
However, I was still not in complete trust with the Lord. I knew he was carrying me through this and working hard on my character. I knew that I would be more like who he intended at the end of this.
I knew he was carrying me through this battle but I still thought I held the sword.
You see God lifted the weight of all these trials and I looked up in the air and saw them all just sitting there. So I worried. A little and then a lot. The more I worried, the more I seemed to have to worry about. Those trials way up there in the air were going to drop, I just knew it. Because you know...my little problems are far to big for God. (Yes, I see know in hindsight how ridiculous this sounds)
Another trial was added to the mix. The control freak in me is having a not so minor melt down. "Come on God, just ONE definitive answer to ANY of these problems would be awesome right now" Every trial was just sitting up in the air...mocking me I swear.
My worrying multiplied. My little buckets of "whoa is me" and "what ifs" started taking over my path to God. I started to get lost in them and when I looked down at my reflection in them, the person I saw was not me.
wait for it...
IT HIT ME.
Or more appropriately, church happened.
Or even more appropriately, Proverbs 3:5-6 happened.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
I've been trusting the Lord completely right?!
(Insert wrong answer buzzer here)
No!!!! And if it wasn't obvious enough, my little worry buckets have made my path so beyond crooked I couldn't walk straight if I tried. And it is a well known fact that worry buckets and crooked paths are an obvious absence of trust in God. DUH!!
My worry is the complete opposite of trust.
Ouch. (Sorry Dad )
Our minds can not fathom what God has in store for us. My mind literally can not wrap around the plans he has for me. It is not my job to try. We are not called to figure out or even understand what He is going to put in place for us next.
When I take on that impossible job it leads to worry and stress and in turn my worry and stress take away from my trust in God and drag me away from my very purpose for living. We are called to trust Him completely (NO little worry buckets) and accept that we will never know whats to come until HE allows it to arrive. That is when He works the hardest in our lives.(You know...pushing out the stubborn parts of the clay he is molding)
The more we worry, the more we have to worry about but when we submit to Him completely and TRUST Him WHOLE heartedly he clears the path for us to be everything He intended.
Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit,
Thank you for your amazing grace and mercy Lord. Please forgive me for my offensive lack of trust. Please help me to let go of my longing to control what only you can and know that you are in control always. Lord, I ask that you clear my heart of any worry I may have so the path to you is cleared. Let your will, not mine, be done.
In Jesus Name,
Trust. Believe. Pray. Achieve.