Friday, March 29, 2013

Sometimes I forget...

I have a son.

He died.

Sometimes I forget.

Life is busy. Sometimes that is sweet. Sometimes not ,but life is busy non the less. I enjoy my business most days because for the most part I do it for purposes I love. I get caught up in the day to day. The to-do lists of it all.

I think of him daily in passing. I have momentos everywhere that represent my sweet boy. Including a necklace I only take off 10 minutes a day (if I am lucky) to shower but he is so ingrained in everything I do that I sometimes forget to look past the "memento" and remember that I had a son. He died. He is no longer here and will not return to this world. (No matter how many times Addy asks)

Then it happens. You are going through the motions hiding the Easter basket stuff in an empty chest when you realize it is not empty but has one of his boxes in it. You set it aside and put the stuff away.


It is such a beautiful box. It was made by a beautiful person. It is labeled "Letters to Heaven." You know what is in it. You know what will happen if you open it. Everything will stop and you will remember. You had a son. He died. You are missing a huge part of you. But the box is beautiful. It was made to be opened and it hasn't been opened in a long, long time.

I opened the box. I remembered and I was reminded that I wasn't the only one who was touched by my precious baby boy. You see this particular box was out at his first birthday celebration. In it is letters to Donavin. Not just my Donavin, but their Donavin. It reminded me of all the lives he has touched and all the beautiful people I have in my life who helped God lift me up when I couldn't carry myself. People I hadn't expected. People with beautiful words for my son that have touched my life in a most inspiring way.

Sometimes, I forget. Sometimes, they do too. It is because he is an everyday part of our lives that we forget that it took much pain to get here. In the moments after his death, I feared these days. I never thought they would come. Now I know that it is not something to be feared but something to remember. It took a lot to get to this point.

Today is Good Friday.

I can't help but think of the connection. Today is the day we remember Jesus's death and how he willingly died so that we could be forgiven. He is not just my Jesus, he is everyone's. Were those around him, who loved him dearly at the time of His death feeling the same as I? Did they mourn with deep reverence? Did they too have the little mementos so ingrained in everyday life that they too soon forgot to take the time to remember?

Today. Do we too have mementos of Jesus that are so ingrained in our everyday lives that we forget to stop and take the time to remember the sacrifice that made this life possible? Do we forget to mourn the one who gave His life for ours, the one that first loved us so that we may know and show love? Do we get so caught up in the to-do lists of it all that we forget to give him the second glance he so reverently deserves? Do we only stop to stare, remember, and contemplate on the day of his death or day of his rising?

No, He was made to be remembered. He was made by a beautiful God. He is everything beautiful in this world. I love the life He has given me and I don't want to forget the pain He endured to bring me here. I need to make everything stop so that I can take the time to remember.

I have a Savior.

He died.

Sometimes I forget. 

Lucky for me, He died to forgive.

Lucky for me, He lives to teach me to remember.


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