Control Freak Trust Issues

 Hi, My name is Kristina and I am a control freak.

I have been losing my mind for about 2 weeks now. You see, in my last couple of posts I mentioned all these trials that I seem to be going through. I have talked about God carrying the weight and allowing them to be blessings. I believe this to be true. Completely true.

However, I was still not in complete trust with the Lord. I knew he was carrying me through this and working hard on my character. I knew that I would be more like who he intended at the end of this.

I knew he was carrying me through this battle but I still thought I held the sword.

You see God lifted the weight of all these trials and I looked up in the air and saw them all just sitting there. So I worried. A little and then a lot. The more I worried, the more I seemed to have to worry about. Those trials way up there in the air were going to drop, I just knew it. Because you know...my little problems are far to big for God. (Yes, I see know in hindsight how ridiculous this sounds)

Another trial was added to the mix. The control freak in me is having a not so minor melt down. "Come on God, just ONE definitive answer to ANY of these problems would be awesome right now" Every trial was just sitting up in the air...mocking me I swear.

My worrying multiplied. My little buckets of "whoa is me" and "what ifs" started taking over my path to God. I started to get lost in them and when I looked down at my reflection in them, the person I saw was not me.

Then....

wait for it...

IT HIT ME.

Or more appropriately, church happened.

Or even more appropriately, Proverbs 3:5-6 happened.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

I've been trusting the Lord completely right?!

(Insert wrong answer buzzer here) 

No!!!!  And if it wasn't obvious enough, my little worry buckets have made my path so beyond crooked I couldn't walk straight if I tried.  And it is a well known fact that worry buckets and crooked paths are an obvious absence of trust in God. DUH!!

My worry is the complete opposite of trust. 

Ouch. (Sorry Dad ) 

Our minds can not fathom what God has in store for us. My mind literally can not wrap around the plans he has for me. It is not my job to try. We are not called to figure out or even understand what He is going to put in place for us next. 

When I take on that impossible job it leads to worry and stress and in turn my worry and stress take away from my trust in God and drag me away from my very purpose for living. We are called to trust Him completely (NO little worry buckets) and accept that we will never know whats to come until HE allows it to arrive. That is when He works the hardest in our lives.(You know...pushing out the stubborn parts of the clay he is molding)

The more we worry, the more we have to worry about but when we submit to Him completely and TRUST Him WHOLE heartedly he clears the path for us to be everything He intended. 

Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit, 

Thank you for your amazing grace and mercy Lord. Please forgive me for my offensive lack of trust. Please help me to let go of my longing to control what only you can and know that you are in control always. Lord, I ask that you clear my heart of any worry I may have so the path to you is cleared. Let your will, not mine, be done. 

In Jesus Name, 

Amen

 

Trust. Believe. Pray. Achieve. 

I'm not who I was...

Today I had the privileged of listening to an awesome sermon from the pastor at my church. The subject? Trusting God.

However, there was one moment in the sermon that frankly, got a little awkward. It was out of the norm and a little weird. It was also kind of intense. Our pastor asked us to turn to each other and tell the person next to you one thing God has done for you lately.

Lately? Huh? Well, I am in what I would call a "storm" of trials at the moment and to be honest I couldn't think of anything profound or "awe inspiring" to say.

My answer? He has provided a roof over my head. (Yes, I seem to be in the habit of embarrassing my self with spoken word lately) While it is completely true that God has indeed provided a roof over my head in somewhat difficult circumstances it seemed strange to me that I could not come up with anything bigger than that. God is way bigger than a roof over my head even this fool knows that ;)

As I contemplated this all day I looked back on all God has done for me throughout my lifetime. (and by "All" I mean everything my insignificant little human brain could come up with)

It hit me.

God has allowed these trials in my life as a blessing.  My "storm" is my gift. It is what God has done FOR me.

Every time I look back to a gift from God there is a trial that led me to it or helped me accept it.

My husband for example, was that boyfriend that just infuriated me while keeping me smiling but I couldn't let go of for some reason. Then He found God.  He led me to the Lord.


My marriage is strong because of God and a very hard trial we went through early in our marriage that forced us to learn to communicate and appreciate each other.

Losing some of my best friends for various reasons has taught me what I should avoid and what I should value in a friend and has prepared me for my amazing, kindhearted, loyal, straight forward, hilarious, and loving best friend I have today.

The loss of my son has taught me more then I could ever begin to list but I think a couple of the biggest was how much LOVE and support my family really has and it has given me a compassion and understanding for people going through the loss of a loved one.

The lack of church I had growing up has given me a passion for teaching in our church and an unexplainable joy of teaching my own children. 

This list goes on and on. And on.

And on.

Through every trial God has blessed me with he has helped me learn, love, grow, and be more then I ever thought possible for myself.

He has done more for me then I will ever know. Not only will I trust Him through my trials, I will praise Him through the storm because through them His love shines through the brightest.

So thank you God and Pastor Brad for awkward moments that get you thinking and realizing 1,000 more reasons (as if you needed 1 more) to trust God in all He does.

We all just need a big fluffy comforter.....

You know that feeling of perfection you get when you lay down and curl up under a big fluffy comforter? It is soft, warm, crisp, and clean. There is just no place in the world you would rather be!

God is my comforter.

He is perfection.

(Yes, I know....another analogy. It seems to be my thing, just go with it)

We all go through trials. Sometimes they pile on you and feel like you are being crushed. It is one thing after another and many times one thing on top of another, and another....and another. You are pushed farther then you think you can handle. (Luckily, God knows better)

This has been my week. There has been a lot...and I mean a lot. And for a few of my friends, it has been a ton. I found my self today grumpy, stressed, and being a big complainer which are generally not adjectives I would use to describe myself. (Most of the time)

So the last couple nights, I have opened my bible to SOAP (Bible Study & Journal) and had to laugh at how plainly God laid it out for me.

Night one:
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me..
2 Corinthians 12:9

Night  two: 
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:4


He might as well have added a big TADAAA! At the end.

I knew that through all this God is working in me. I just didn't know why. Well....

TADAAA!

Here he was ready and willing to be my comforter. I just had to stop being a "big complainer" long enough to notice it is no where near....all about me and my troubles. It is always about Him and bringing glory to His name.
 
God is my soft, warm, crisp, clean comforter. Only he is the best one you can get....He is like SUPER comforter (Top of the line if I do cheese so myself) The one that lifts the weight right off you and holds it for you.

But more then that the reason I need comforting is because I need to learn how to show others God's comfort as well. He has to teach me to be what He knows someone else will need one day. He has to mold me and break me to be who He wants me to be. So that I can bring Glory to His name EVERYDAY... Not just when things are peachy.

 God has a plan for us....as long as we stay wrapped in the perfect comfort He is offering.