I'm aware

Today is infant and pregnancy loss awareness day.

But for those of us who have lost a child, everyday is our loss awareness day.

We are reminded daily of the child we live without. Sometimes suddenly without warning and others on our own behalf.

We are reminded of our children when we see yours who are the same age they would be.
We are reminded of our children when we look at our own and know there is one missing.
We are reminded of our children when we see a pregnant Mama.
We are reminded of our children when hear certain words.
We are reminded of our children when we hear certain songs.
We are reminded of our children when we see a special picture.
We are reminded of our children when we go to certain places.
We are reminded of our children when we see our family picture, minus one.

We are all reminded of our children constantly and have to make the choice weather or not we want to let our selves submerge in the memories of our loss and longing or weather or not we quickly move on into our reality. Both options come with the feeling of hurt and faint emptiness.

Our reminders are daily. Our reminders are painful. Our reminders are necessary.

You see, while with each reminder we quickly experience our loss all over again, we also have the opportunity to focus on the positive. That is the life of our child and while they may not be alive in this world they are more alive then our heads can contain in heaven. We can relish in the fact that our children will never know what it is to suffer or hurt. They will never feel pain or loss. They will never know rejection or anger. 

They know Jesus in a way we aren't able to in this world. They dance and play and love. They get to personally witness God and all his Glory. They live a life our imaginations can't touch.

As a mother, all I have ever wanted was for my children to come to know and love the Lord. To find the peace only He can offer. My son got a "go directly to Heaven card." He has the privilege of skipping the hard stuff and only ever knowing unconditional love. And while my soul desperately longs to hold him and see his beautifully created being, this Mama takes comfort in knowing that until I can my Donavin is rockin' it in heaven with Jesus.