Sunday, January 12, 2014

What I have to say...

This verse has been on my heart all week.  I thought it was because today, Donavin's birthday, was coming. I know it now to be true but not for just the reason I suspected. I believe it is so much more.
"You've turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You've taken away from me my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.
That I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever."  Psalm 30:11-12

Pain. Grief. Hurt.

Comes in so many forms. Always unexpected. The world as you knew it seems to come crashing down around you as you search everywhere for a way out.  A direction. A purpose a why.

The waves seemingly consume us as we jump and climb desperately trying to keep our eyes above them.

To be consumed in the torment of grief is to be blind to the glory that lies above the waves.

I have been through grief. I have lived in and on the other side of grief.  I have felt and feel now a deep sorrow. I can say honestly that I am not sure if it is worse to hurt or see those you love, even those who may not know it, hurt. Deeply.

However, it was because of my grief that I am able to joyfully dance and sing praises to the Lord.

I have learned that grief and pain are opportunities for God's glory to shine. For him to heal the hurts and do so much more.

So tonight while I sit hurting and pained, knowing others I love and care for feel the same for whatever reasoning may be. I can not be silent. I will not be silent . In saying Joy WILL come from the mourning!

We will rise above our waves of grief and continue to praise God for his amazing love. For it is from his love that he shapes us individually and in fellowship with each other. His love will shape our relationships and cause us to reflect on them with grace and compassion. Grace and compassion will not fix everything. His love will.

Jesus died for us so we could continue to carry each other to him. Jesus died to carry us.

Sometimes pain is the price we pay, the sacrifice we make for something bigger to take place. Something bigger then we may be able to wrap our minds around, our hearts around, our thoughts around. Something better. 

Grief does not come without gain but you have to be willing to receive what the Lord is offering weather it makes sense or not. What is done can not be undone but it can be used to bring glory to God's name.

God calls us to walk paths we don't want to walk. We can walk out on that water towards Jesus with a fear, trembling, and resistance or with our head held high remembering that God's plan comes with a purpose.

I would have never chosen for my son to die. Ever. I would have sacrificed all I am today for a moment with him. I glimpse of his open eyes. I got shoved on this painful path.

I was faced with a choice. I could let it sink me, the depression would have been easily justifiable, or I could realize that my sons short life had a purpose. I devoted myself to that purpose. Whatever the reasoning. Whatever good things that came from it that I would never know. I KNOW wholeheartedly It was to bring Glory to God. My son's life. My son's death was to bring glory to His name.

So no matter what giant waves look like they will surely sink me, I know God is right above them. When I don't have the strength to stand He will carry me. His love will carry me through the hurt. 

I choose the joy that comes from the mourning.

And that is my prayer for you.

I sincerely love you all.


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