Sunday, March 6, 2011
Been too long since I have been here. I almost feel like its a support group I have been avoiding. In a way thats what my writing is to me. A way to face what, sometimes I don't want to. Today it is the realization that if I want this precious little girl inside of me, I have to go through the labor and the birth. Birth, while something I find beautiful and wondrous, it scares the crap out of me. The worst part is I feel like it is going to surprise me when I am not the least bit ready for it. With my other pregnancies I have wanted the DD to hurry up and get here already...Now I am perfectly ok with it taking its sweet time. Why am I worried its going to sneak up on me? These next few months are busier than I have been in a long time. At this point the only weekends we don't have something scheduled for are the 3 prior to my DD. IN JUNE! Seems a bit insane to me. Even more so that I keep trying to pack more stuff into them. Yes, its true. I know I need to just put a hault to all the planning or I am going to put myself into an early labor but I like having plans. I like planning things. Takes my mind off the impending labor. When in actuality everything I have learned tells me I should be doing otherwise. I need to be preparing myself for it. This little girl needs all of me. She will get it. I will release my fears to God as always and as always He will do things in the manner He sees fit. I know in my heart everything will go as it should this time around. I will just breath a little easier when this little girl is safely breathing in my arms.