When you've experienced an emotionally intense day such as mine. It is hard to put the words into play that you yourself want to hear. They dance around my head taunting my presence in front of the computer. "You are here with an open blog, now what profound insight have you for us?."
I have nothing. My words are nothing and mean nothing without the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am nothing without him.
I have God in my life. <-----oh ya, I just went there. But wait there is more! (please note you have now been forewarned) I am no where close to perfect. I have more flaws then I can count but I also have more love then I have ever known in my life. I have great relationships and not so great ones. The MOST meaningful relationship I have is with God. It has not been an easy one...we have it out sometimes but most the time (OK OK FINE) ALL of the time...he wins because his presence in my life has been the most prominent, life altering, positive, scary, hard, humbling thing I have ever experienced and it is far from over.
The biggest thing that has changed in me since I became a Christ follower is my view of the world. The world is and will always be a scary place until His return. What matters is our reaction to the evil of the world. I have been one to struggle with fear so much so that it has had physical affects but I have found that the more present God is in my life the less fear I have. It is not because He promises to make me rich, or healthy, or keep me from horrible situations...in fact I have had poverty, illness, and tremendous trials in my life. (We all have right) It is because I am allowing him to be my strength, my courage, and my hope. Without him I am nothing but susceptible to the world and all its negativity with him I am armed. I have compassion and love and not hate and blame. You can call him my crutch if you want..I am ok with that because I KNOW I am broken.
Why the unanticipated rant?? Here is why. Because some of my first emotions after hearing about the horrific tragedy in Connecticut was sorrow not only for the kids, teachers, and parents but for people in the world that are going to turn to fear, hatred, and blame. Weather it is geared toward God, guns, or the shooter himself. This appalling act, in my humble opinion, was not because of any of the above. Yes, it is my belief mental illness had its part but it was caused by something far more evil with the intention of spreading the fear, hatred, and blame. The sad truth is it has worked on a lot of levels. People are taking the death of the innocent and using it for their own agendas. Forgetting that these lives had a purpose and it is highly doubtful that it was to cause a battle among the nation over a difference in beliefs. Yes, I know am spewing my belief in God on you right now in hopes that you will receive it well. If not, its ok. You won't offend me. I can agree to disagree with a smile on my face and I will not love you any less.
The point of this God isn't always warm and fuzzy. He doesn't always intervene when we think he should or answer prayers in a way that we would like but there is always a purpose. His timing is perfect. There are many evils in the world that do not have his name on it but only he has the ability to turn something so broken into something beyond beautiful. We can pull together and show strangers the love and compassion they deserve. The love Jesus tells us to show one another. The love you will find when you look at most teachers and 6 and 7 year olds. The love they would have been awe struck to see honoring them. The love they now know and experience daily.
I have been lucky enough to experience this love. Today especially, as my church family sat together mourning and broken. For the families of the lives lost and for those who were there to witness the tragedies in our nation. As well as for us as individuals with the personal trials we each face. We got down on our knees and lifted it all to the only One who can take something tragic and turn it into something beautiful. The love in that room for and from God and each other was something truly beautiful.
My prayer is that we see more of that kind of love in the world.