Saturday, January 12, 2013

Happy Birthday Little Man

My sweet boy,

There are so many things I could say but it is nothing you haven't heard. I miss you. I wonder what you would look like. Sound like. Be like. All of which you know. I have been making a movie to document your life when I realized that I didn't just lose my child but I lost a life. We are doing the best we can to live it for you. I can hardly wait until I get to feel you again. I love you my son. More then I imagined possible. I miss you with everything I am. Have a great birthday in Heaven my boy. Don't eat too much cake. ;)

Love Mommy.

I came across this letter I wrote immediately after he went home to the Lord. It suprises me how true every word of it still is. It doesn't get easier. You just learn to live with it.

My Dearest Son,
Wow, words can not describe just how incredibly much I love you and miss you. There are so many things I had wanted to do with you and see you do in your life. I keep imagining what your smile would have looked like. I know it would have been beautiful just like you were.It brings me warmth just thinking about it. No one can ever take your place in my heart my baby boy. Everything I feel is so overwhelming. I have such joy and peace knowing that you are happier then I can even fathom in this life. You know more happiness then I will ever know until I see you and God. I couldn't have wished for anything better for you. The pain I feel is my own, not for you my Donavin. I know you will never experience pain. I know you can see me and your Daddy and your big sister and know how much we all love you. You are still very much a part of this family even though you didn't get much time with us. You will always be our baby boy. Our first born Son. Addyson's baby brother. You have such an amazing Daddy. He had so many plans for things you guys could do together, so much he wanted to teach you. He loves you more then I can imagine or even try to explain but he too is so happy for you. He knows there is no better place in this world for you. He knows that God and Great Grandma are taking care of you. Your big sister was so excited to meet you.She too loves you very much. She gave you lots of kisses when you were in Mommy's belly. She also insisted that you had to share your toys and loved to try to wake you up when you were sleeping in my belly. She is sad she didn't get to see you but she know's you are with Jesus and although she is young I think she understands that you are in a better place. We all suffer a great loss with the loss of your life and it will not be easy to overcome but we can not overlook the joy you've already brought us and we definitely can't overlook the joy you are and will be forever experiencing. You are so loved by so many people my sweet sweet boy. I will see you again someday and I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. Until then we will live in honor of your memory always striving to be closer to God and closer to you. I love you my baby boy, my Son, my Donavin. I will miss you always.


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