Monday, January 10, 2011

1 more day

Let me start by saying people never cease to amaze me. Thank you all for the outpouring of help you all have offered and given. It has truly been a blessing. Thank you. While things didn't seem to be working for my plans...looks like God had better ones in mind. He found a way to pry my head open and get me to accept that things happen the way He wants them to...I am just here to enjoy the ride. That is just what I need to do. That is just what I am going to do.

I have figured out the obvious...and I will consider myself a genius for it because thats just what I do. I stressed hard over this because I want everything to be perfect. This is the one huge thing (unless of course God has other plans) that I get to do for my son. I want it to be perfect. I want to raise a bunch of money to donate in his name and have everyone thoroughly enjoy themselves in the process. I want people to rejoice in his memory, not feel constant sadness.

I have 1 more day until his birth/death day. I have to say, it is very surreal. I can still relive, vividly, that day as if it were last week. The empty arms will always be a reminder though.
My beautiful boy I miss you dearly. While you are celebrating with Jesus we will be celebrating you down here. (Just a guess but I am sure your party is going to be MUCH more fun) So far I plan to take time to look at your beautiful face with the pictures we took, your big sister and I are going to bake you a cake...she is very anxious to use the big cupcake pan that Mommy just got so we saved that for your cake. Then we are going to the only home you knew...our home away from home, to celebrate with those that love you just as dearly and be closer to the place you once were. (Auntie is making Mommy some home made chicken noodle soup...I can't wait) and weather permitting we will visit the tree your Daddy carved and spread a little of your ashes so you are always there with us. Then Saturday we will celebrate with every life you touched. Oh and just so you know your birthday presents are going to help other tiny babies and parents of the ones that get to come to heaven with you.  We love you and miss you so much. You are still very much a part of this family. I know Daddy really wishes you could be here...he is starting to get a little out numbered with your little sister on the way. I love you baby boy. Always will, forever and ever.


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