I received a call yesterday reminding me of an early morning appointment for my 20 week ultrasound this morning. I had it written down for next week so I was grateful for the reminder. After not sleeping well at all I woke early this morning and got ready with a smile on my face because I knew I was going to see that sweet baby inside of me today and hear the sweet sound of her heartbeat.(which will forever my music to my soul)
When I arrived to my appointment I was called in by a pleasant ultra sound tech. He said we were going to take some measurements and check on the clot and I asked if he planned to check on the position of the placenta he informed me they always do routinely obviously confused by my question. After starting the ultrasound I asked if my placenta had moved away from my cervix at all. He looked at me with a confused look and told me my placenta was no where near my cervix. It couldn't even be considered low lying. I asked him to double check as I have been told for the last 2 months that I had placenta previa that was fully covering my cervix. He checked all my ultra sound records, as I have had a few, and he found no record of me having placenta previa, at all. I told him that my doctor has told me I did and even went as far as telling me that if my placenta didnt move I would be at high risk for placenta accreta. I asked him to be sure and he showed me where in conjunction with my cervix my placenta was and if it was low lying how far it could have moved and mine was still miles away. My doctor made a mistake. People make mistakes and I completely understand that. I don't think he is a bad person because of it. I however, can not take it lightly. I was caused unnecessary stress and had to wrap my head around the possibility of this being my last pregnancy...because of that mistake. It definitely kills the confidence I had in the care I have been receiving. A bit frustrating.
However...I'M JUST ABOUT FREE AND CLEAR OF ALL COMPLICATIONS! MY SWEET LITTLE MISS WILL HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF ARRIVING IN THIS WORLD SOUND, SAFE, AND ALIVE. The tech told me that the clot was less then half the size it was before and was confident that in 4 weeks I would be able to come back and no one would know it had been there unless they looked at my chart ;) Baby girl is looking good and healthy with a strong song of a heartbeat. I even got to see her sucking her thumb. It is the biggest breath of fresh air I have received in awhile. I couldn't be happier...well I am sure when she gets here sound and safe I will be overjoyed.
I have begun to feel her little kicks and I am absolutely in love with every single one of them. Another gift from her big brother, I have learned to cherish every moment. I am very excited about this baby inside of me. More then I would have thought possible at this point. I honestly didn't think it was possible for me to enjoy a pregnancy after a loss...and it was not always like this. I am sure I will have fearful days but I am so grateful to be able to enjoy it as I do. I am grateful that I dont live every day in fear. I am grateful that today God took a lot more of my fear away. While it is frustrating that I had the unnecessary worry, I am grateful it wasn't the other way around. I am grateful that I don't have the extra complications.
Above all I am grateful for this precious gift of life I have growing so beautifully inside me.
*pic by Small Bird Studio