Monday, January 31, 2011

Am I Truly Broken

There are times, like tonight when I wonder if I am more broken then I can see. A brokenness others look at me and shy from that I am oblivious to. Am I so lost that when I think I have found myself others disagree? When I look in the mirror and see all the great things that God has graciously given me through my pain and I blind to some of myself that is still missing? If others are missing those parts of me, why can I not even see them anymore? Do I still look so broken and lost that I can not be a good friend, daughter, sister etc?

I feel new. I feel refreshed. I feel like a better version of me. I am still a work in progress and still have much to learn from this experience and many more to come. I welcome all God has to give me weather its good or bad in my eyes because I know it is all for the best. Yet, I feel like many of my relationships with others have changed because of something I can't see. Many... have changed since my dear son died. People still look at me like something is missing, why can't I see what it is?

If I am not missing it, I can't help but wonder if it is a part of myself I would even want back.


Anonymous said...

I think you are an amazing woman! When I look at where you were years ago from middle school and then after high school when we would hang out and then now..all the things you have been through I see an amazing woman of God who is living her life for him. You are truly a great person. We all have flaws that we don't see that others do, I think all that matters is that you are happy and doing what you can to fulfill your purpose in life.

Tara said...

I think sometimes it isn't what is lacking in you, but what is missing in the other person. I think many people in this day of medical advances that have lessened our experiences of losing loved ones (especially children), and that it makes them uncomfortable. I think it's wonderful that you are moving forward with such a positive outlook about the difficult experience you have been through. Remember also that sometimes we make assumptions about what others motives and thoughts are, and we can be Waaaaay off! (I'm from the andaluz list btw.)

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