Wednesday, January 12, 2011

My present

Well first and foremost let me start by saying thank you. I am continually surprised by the outpouring of love and support from those around me. I couldn't pretend to be alone if I tried.

Today was a hard day. Today reminded me what a hard day really is. I wept for most of the first part of the day but I did so freely. I allowed myself to submit to my feelings and just be. To say I miss my son would be an understatement. I grieved and wept with everything within me. For MY loss. For my husband's loss. For my daughters loss. Never for Donavin's. Even through all the tears and hurt the truth was not far from my mind. He is at peace. He knows nothing but happiness. For that I will always rejoice.
Today showed me how far I have come. Today felt like the first few days following his death. It reminded me that even when I feel I have "hard days" its nothing compared to where I have been. God has carried me through the hardest experience of my life in ways I would have never imagined. He picked me up when I didn't realize I was falling. He never let my greif cloud my vision of the blessings that my family, including my son, has been given. Its ok with me that it will always hurt (I say as if I have a choice ;) because with the hurt is the constant reminder to be thankful for what you do have. Yes, I have lost my son but I have also gained a new respect and love for my husband, I have also gained a new joy in watching my daughter grow daily, I have also gained the knowledge that I have an amazing amount of love and support from people all around me. I have way more then I deserve and I will be eternally grateful to the Lord for that.
Happy Birthday Donavin. I love you.

On another note...I have run into a lot of people with that "I don't know what to say" face when they realize I am hurting and I have experienced this with others as well when I realize I am. I heard this song on the radio on my way home tonight. It said it perfectly so I thought I would share.
Thank you all for your love and support. It means more to me then you will ever know.


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